Sing A Song Of Mutants
by Miss Puar
Summary: 5 Disney songfics with a Brotherhood twist. COMPLETED!
1. One Step Ahead

Disclaimer: I've really done it this time. I'd better say that I have no legal rights to any of this, or I'll be at the mercy of Mickey's minions.

  
  


ONE STEP AHEAD (to the tune of "One Jump Ahead" from Aladdin)

(Scene opens on Lance at age 10, being pursued in downtown Deerfield by several policemen. Many citizens are watching this display.)

  
  


Lance: Gotta keep

one step ahead of the system.

Watch out! 'Cuz I'm gonna win.

I fight for what I believe in.

That's not a crime!

  
  


One step ahead of policemen

One day, I'll rule the town!

They try, but no one can keep me down!

  
  


Cops: Riffraff! Street rat!

Scoundrel! Take that!

  
  


Lance: C'mon, face the facts, guys!

  
  


Cops: We will stop him in his tracks, guys.

  
  


Lance: Can't you take a hint, just get off my back

while I make my getaway.

  
  


Cops: Hey!

  
  


Onlookers: Lookit that Lance Alvers, causing mayhem

Destroying property ev'rywhere.

The trouble is that kid is just a hoodlum

  
  


Lance: Gotta have a plan, gotta fight the man

Tell you all about it if I thought you'd care

  
  


One step ahead of those losers

Ta dah! I'm king of the hill.

Just think, I'm doing this for the thrill!

One step ahead of those morons

One beat ahead of the gun

They say I broke rules, I say I had fun!

  
  


Cops: Stop, thief! Vandal!

Outrage! Scandal!

  
  
  
  


Lance: I know I'm not perfect

  
  


Onlookers: That kid's nothing but a reject

  
  


Lance: Gotta have a plan, gotta fight the man

To prove that I'm not at fault.

  
  


Cops: Halt!

  
  


Lance: One step ahead of the squadron

  
  


Cops: Vandal!

  
  


Lance: One chance to beat ev'ryone

  
  


Cops: Street rat!

  
  


Lance: One test to prove that I am strong

  
  


Cops: Scoundrel!

  
  


Lance: One guess who's right and who's wrong

  
  


Cops: Take that!

  
  


Lance: Okay, you don't see it my way

I should hit the highway

All I gotta do is.. RUN!!!

  
  


THE END

Warning: there's more insanity to come! Read on! =^-^=


	2. A Thousand Recipes

A THOUSAND RECIPES (to the tune of "The Bare Necessities" from The Jungle Book)

(Scene opens at the Brotherhood Breakfast table. Lance is wearing a 'Kiss The Cook' apron while he attempts to cook waffles with a cigarette lighter. Pietro, Tabby, and Toad are seated. Freddy stands up and starts singing.)

Freddy: I need some bare necessities

I love those cake-mix recipes

Because I lick the batter when it's done

I want some bare necessities

A hundred thousand recipes

'cuz baby that's my recipe for fun!

  
  


Whenever I'm hungry, I hafta eat

It sure would surprise me to see my feet

I guess I've gotten pretty fat

Scarfin' down donuts just like that

I have six gallons of peach ice cream 

in ev'ry dream and each little scheme 

I'm thinking about lunch

  
  


A thousand recipes of things for me to munch!

For me to munch!

  
  


I need some bare necessities

I love those cake-mix recipes

Because I lick the batter when it's done

I want some bare necessities

A hundred thousand recipes

'cuz baby that's my recipe for fun!

  
  


Now when you taste a halfshell

you wish it were whole

Don't you waste a morsel 

Or heads will roll!

Order soup by the bowl, you'll do well

Not a cup, a bowl!

If you gotta, yell!

If you get in trouble just yell

If you don't get a WHOLE SHELL and a bowl

you'll come again for brunch!

  
  


A thousand recipes of things for me to munch!

For me to munch!

  
  


I've only got this one rule but

It's never worth forgettin'

'Cuz let me tell you there's no use in sweatin'

If you act like the rest act, uh uh

You'll be way too thin!

  
  


I wanna eat a burger and fries

For dessert, I'll have 5 cherry pies

I want them to be nice and extra hot

and you know what? A drink would hit the spot!

Oh, and something to crunch?

  
  


A thousand recipes of things for me to munch!

  
  


Lance: (spoken) I'm a teenager, not your personal cook!

  
  


Freddy: (spoken) Great. Now I lost my place. We'll hafta start over!!!

Lance: (spoken) Why me?

  
  


Freddy, Pietro, Tabby, Toad: (singing) We need some bare necessities...

  
  


THE END

  
  


Warning: still more craziness to come! Read on! =^-^=


	3. Perfect Sure Is Easy

PERFECT SURE IS EASY (to the tune of "Perfect Isn't Easy" from Oliver & Company)

(Scene opens on Boingy-Bangs as he gets set for school. The rest of the BoM is staring at him in disbelief.)

  
  


Pietro: Boy-things-will-go-my-way

Today's-my-kind-of-day

Perfect-sure-is-easy

When-you're-me

When-one-knows-ladies-are-watching

one-must-be-prepared

I-don't-need-improvements-darling

  
  


Tabby: Look at that vanity!

  
  


Toad: Yo, where is his sanity?

  
  


Pietro: Having-girls-may-be-nice

But-it-comes-with-a-price

It-can-be-rough-being-so-pretty!

But-when-all-those-girls-say-"Yes"

Saying-"No"-just-isn't-fair!

  
  


Lance: One thing's for sure, ignore my fair Kitty

or you'll need a wheelchair!

  
  


Pietro: See-my-charming-smile

What-a-dazzling-style

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Tabby, Toad: La dee da da

  
  


Pietro: (points to BoM) In-looks-I've-got-you-beat-by-a-mile

I'm-lovely-I've-been-told

a-sight-to-behold!

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Tabby, Toad: (yelling) No! 

  
  


Pietro: It's-time! I'm-primed!

I-won't-keep-them-waiting!

I'm-gonna-start-dating!

  
  


Freddy: 'Zat so?

  
  


Lance, Tabby, Toad: Uh-oh...

  
  


Pietro: Tho'-many-covet-this-handsome-dude

they're-just-not-up-to-the-test

Winning-my-heart's-a-difficult-conquest

A-prize-like-that's-worthy-of-a-contest

The-rest-won't-due-when-you

are-the-greatest

Perfect-my-dears

Is-meee!

  
  


Freddy: (yelling) Get him!

  
  


Pietro: (spoken) Later-losers!

  
  


(Pietro runs out the door with BoM chasing him. It is only after they reach the school that Lance realizes he could have taken his Jeep.)

  
  


THE END

  
  


Warning: even more silliness to come! Read on! =^-^=


	4. The Brotherhood's For Me

THE BROTHERHOOD'S FOR ME (to the tune of "Hi-diddle-dee-dee" from Pinocchio)

(Scene opens on the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House, where our five friends are lounging in the living room.)

  
  


Tabby: (spoken) I like this place. I really do. For the first time in my life, I feel at home.

  
  


Toad: (spoken) Yeah, this a pretty sweet setup we got here. Plenty of flies... (eats one)

  
  


Freddy: (spoken while hugging buddies) friends

  
  


Lance: (spoken somewhat wistfully) family

  
  


Pietro: (spoken with wicked grin) fun

  
  


Tabby: (spoken excitedly) and best of all, freedom!

  
  


(BoM stand up and begins singing)

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Toad: Hi-diddle-dee-dee

  
  


Tabby: The Brotherhood's for me!

Where it's okay for you to have fun

and you can play tricks on ev'ryone

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Toad: Hi-diddle-dee-doo

  
  


Tabby: The Brotherhood's for you!

They'll pick you up when you're dumped by Blue

so there's no need to fuss

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Toad: Hi-diddle-dee-dus

  
  


Tabby: The Brotherhood's for us!

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Toad: Hi-diddle-dee-dee

  
  


Tabby: The Brotherhood's for me!

  
  


Lance: This place is bad, but I've lived in worse

  
  


Toad: Yo! I'm just glad that I stole Jean's purse!

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Toad: Hi-diddle-dee-dum

  
  


Tabby: The Brotherhood is fun!

  
  
  
  


Pietro: It's-no-big-deal-if-you're-skipping-school

  
  


Freddy: Here you can steal 'cuz we think it's cool

  
  


Tabby: Do what you feel, it's our golden rule

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Tabby, Toad: The Brotherhood's for me!

  
  


(Each BoM member laughs and takes a bow.)

  
  


Tabby: (spoken) That was fun. We should do more stuff together. What do you guys wanna do?

  
  


Freddy: (spoken) Have a snack! (waddles toward kitchen)

  
  


Lance: (spoken) Give Kitty a call! (races to his room)

  
  


Pietro: (spoken) Spy-on-Lance! (follows Lance)

  
  


Toad: (spoken) Take Duncan's wallet, yo. (hops out door)

  
  


Tabby: (spoken) I like this place. I really do. For the time in my life, I don't feel alone.

  
  


(Tabby sits down in an armchair and turns on her Walkman to drown out the sounds of Lance and Pietro fighting upstairs.)

  
  


THE END

  
  


Warning: there is one more song left. Read on! =^-^=


	5. Ev'rybody Wants To Beat The Toad

EV'RYBODY WANTS TO BEAT THE TOAD (to the tune of "Ev'rybody Wants To Be A Cat" from The AristoCats.)

(Scene opens at the Brotherhood House where almost everyone is doing what he/she likes best. Freddy is eating, Pietro is running around, Tabby is putting on make-up, and Lance is busy daydreaming about Kitty. Toad, however, is absent.)

  
  


Freddy: (with mouthful of food) Anyone seen Toad?

  
  


Tabby: (putting on another layer of mascara) Nope.

  
  


Pietro: I'll-check-upstairs. (Runs up and down stairs) I-didn't-see-him. He-must-still-be-at-school.

  
  


Tabby: (filing nails) Probably in detention. Kelly's ALWAYS giving 'em to me, but I never stick around.

  
  


Freddy: (to Lance) Where do you think Toad is?

  
  


Lance: (grinning like an idiot) Kitty Alvers.. It has such a nice ring to it..

  
  


Pietro: (teasing) Lance-and-Kitty-sittin'-in-a-tree..

  
  


(Pietro is interrupted by a knock at the door. The BoM opens it and discovers a battered Toad.)

  
  


Tabby: (shocked) What happened to you?

  
  


Toad: (weakly) It was Duncan, yo.

  
  


Freddy: (sighs) Again? You gotta learn to stand up for yourself pal!

  
  


Toad: (quietly) I don't know how...

  
  


Tabby: (excited) We'll show you. Right, guys?

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro: (smiling) Right!

  
  


Pietro: (spoken) It's-like-this-Toad.

(singing) Ev'rybody-wants-to-beat-the-Toad

Because-the-Toad-is-just-the-Toad

He'll-never-explode.

  
  


Freddy: (spoken) You see,

(singing) When you get mad you never wanna keep yer cool

Or ev'ryone will play you for a fool.

  
  


Toad: (singing) Yo, if I try it your way

Can I make Duncan pay

for what he did? 

And will he leave me alone 

When I break ev'ry bone

In that stupid kid?

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Tabby: (singing) Dun-can-will-rue-the-day!

  
  


Lance: (singing) I heard you had some words with Duncan's bunch.

  
  


Toad: (singing) He'll say (mimics Duncan) "Toad, you're just a Toad."

  
  


Lance: (singing) 'Til you learn to punch! (Lance puts up his fists and Toad screams.)

  
  


Tabby: (singing) You gotta show 

'Em what you know 

'Bout Self-Defense Mode

When ev'rybody wants to beat the Toad.

  
  


Toad: (singing) Yo, if I try it your way

Can I make Duncan pay

for what he did?

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Tabby: (singing) Oh-that-Dun-can-Matt-hews-will-pay

  
  


Toad: (singing) And will he leave me alone

When I break ev'ry bone

In that stupid kid?

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Tabby: (singing) Oh-that-Dun-can-Matt-hews-will-pay

  
  


Tabby: (singing) Ev'rybody wants to beat the Toad

  
  


Pietro: (singing) Because-the-Toad-is-just-the-Toad

Freddy: (singing) He'll never explode

  
  


Lance: (singing) He was abused until he used Self-Defense Mode

  
  


Lance, Freddy, Pietro, Tabby: Now ev'rybody's scared to fight the Toad!

  
  


Toad: (singing) Yo, ev'rybody's scared to fight the Toad!

  
  


(The BoM stops singing. Toad looks at his friends.)

  
  


Toad: (eager) You think it'll work, yo?

  
  


Tabby: (honest) Nah, we just wanted to cheer you up.

  
  


Toad: (whimpers) Oh. Now I'm disappointed.

  
  


Freddy: (whines) Well, I'm hungry!

  
  


Pietro: (complains) And-I'm-bored!

  
  


Lance: (to imaginary Kitty) Wow! I'm a daddy?!

  
  


Tabby: (to herself) Man, I'm outta here!

  
  


(The BoM go their separate ways, at least until the next time I drag 'em into a song fest.)

  
  


THE END

  
  


Author's Note: I'm really proud of myself. I ripped off Disney and lived to tell the tale. (hears knock on door.) I don't think I'll answer that...

If you liked these, write reviews and I'll do themes for other X-Men characters. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta prepare my opening statement. Your honor, I never meant to... =^-^=


End file.
